Abhorred Cord

An 84 Oldsmobile Toronado made into a Cord knockoff. The Cord Model 810 was one of the most beautiful and advanced cars of it's time. This is not. Although I suppose they both share front wheel drive architecture. This one seems to be more ill-conceived than most neoclassic cars, which is really saying something...

Buick Cutrate Cutlass

I had almost forgotten about one of the most forgettable cars of the 90's until I saw one watching TV last night. The 1997-1999 was one of the worst cases of badge engineering from GM in the 90's, with little differentiating it from the Malibu. Making things worse, it was also far worse to look at than the Chevy, with some brutally ugly taillights. It also stuck out like a sore thumb - at this point Olds had adopted sleek Aurora based styling. The Cutlass tried to fit in, but the Malibu wasn't exactly sleek and the car ended up looking more Chevy than Olds.

1955 GM Concept Cars

Something was in the water in 1955 at the GM headquarters. It was this year when all of their divisions released concepts that not only looked to be based off the same architecture - they were all monumentally ugly. Sounds remarkably like GM in the 80's and early 90's...


Chevrolet Biscayne


First up we have the Chevrolet Biscayne. From the windshield back it's not too bad - there's a lot of Corvette in there, and although you can't see the rear it seemed to have inspired later Corvettes and the Corvair. That front however looks like an unappealing mix of Austin Healey Sprite and bulldozer. Also it seems to look remarkably like the cars in Fallout 3.



Cadillac La Salle II Hardtop Sedan


Next up we have the Cadillac La Salle II Hardtop Sedan. Note the identical DLO, save the back window. Early experimenting in what would lead to the Cimarron I suppose. Again this car has a grille-less front end, although the headlamps are moved further out and you have the additional chrome Cadillac rocket extensions. Oddly, this car looks even more like a Corvette than the Chevy, with the two tone scalloping and rear light detail recalling the first generation Vette. Compared to the sleek and simple ugly of the Biscayne, the LaSalle comes off as over-accessorized ugly.

It may not be share as many components as the others, but this possibly Corvette based roadster version of the La Salle II also appeared alongside it on show stands. Sharing the front end (but with cutouts under the headlights), it has the appearance of a mutated 1958 Corvette with it's ass chopped off. Although to be fair, it likely inspired the '58 Vette's front end design.



Pontiac Strato Star


Next is the Pontiac Strato Star. A bit more conventionally attractive than the above two, it also doesn't share their roofline (but then it's a 2 door). I'm not entirely sure it shares a platform with the above, but it does have similar proportions and similar odd detailing, like the inset headlights and overall heavy looking appearance. Another odd detail is the gigantic front wheel wells, which flow back to almost reach the doors. In later show circuit appearances these were painted red, making it look like someone took gigantic chunks out of the car's flesh.



Oldsmobile 88 Delta


The last of the bunch is the Olds 88 Delta. You might be thinking "where's Buick"? There was a Buick show car in 1955 - but it was the Wildcat III, an evolution of the previous two concepts and likely unrelated (and not fugly). Speaking of not fugly, I don't really consider this Buick to be fugly. A little ungainly, but it's the best looking of these four. Why include it? The windshield and front wheel wells look to be shared with the Pontiac, so it might be related to the other cars here.

PISA Scorpion

Another Phoenix International Sport Automobiles (PISA) Fiero creation. This unholy union of Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme and Toyota Celica is at least more unique than some of their other kits. In fact, at first glance I wouldn't have seen the Fiero connection had all of their products not revolved around Pontiac's mid-engined plagiarist's dream.

Super Stepside

Billed as "the ultimate pickup", the Super Stepside is a bit of an oxymoron - given that the donor "truck" for this kit is full-size GM sedans from the 80's.

I first saw and posted this kit in 2005. I correctly guessed what it was made of, but thought something that looked this horrid was a homemade one-off. But it's actually available to purchase as a kit. People actually bought them, as more than one exist.

Early models such as the one posted earlier don't appear to have headlights, while the one above has some pilfered from the exotic Chevy Malibu.

Pimp My Alero

Because a Olds Alero looks exactly like a vintage Cadillac. And because the Olds Alero is such a terrific base for a rat rod. I'm guessing rat rod due to the pinstriping and matte paint. I think it's matte paint... The door and the rest of the car seem to be different textures.

George Barris' 67X Toronado

Back in 1967, someone commissioned George Barris to make 4 of these creations to be given away during the 1967 Canadian Expo in Montreal. Basically an Oldsmobile Toronado enlarged to accommodate the curved bench in the rear (which I'll admit is actually kinda cool), the car features some of the most unattractive curves this side of Rosie O'Donnell.

Toronado from the Land of Oz

In the sequel to the "Wizard of Oz", Dorothy attempts to create a movable car based home to prevent it from being sucked up again. Car of choice? Oldsmobile Toronado of course.

Those beasts were front wheel drive too. With all THAT to haul around, the front tires were probably permanently burning rubber.

Oldsmobile Bravada

This is why Oldsmobile is dead. A truck with an unmatching car-like grille and headlights. It's like one of those cross dressers you see what tries so hard to look like a woman but is so obviously a man.

Oldsmobile Corvette Fugtastic

This just sad. This appears to have been (at one point) a Oldsmobile Cutlass convertible. Up front there are to be 3 bars of chrome across the grille, and overtop of the Olds emblem, and I think some strange chrome pieces above them.

The sides look to have VW Bug fenders, and the rear ones seem to have another extention on top of this. Chrome side exhausts ad some extra bling to a relatively chrome free side. I really like how the weird bulging fender extensions clash with the Old's original scalloped sides, making it look like the body is dented.

The rear is where it really gets interesting. There's a - something - over the convertible top. I think it's an attempt at a spoiler, or a very low rollbar. The only thing I'm sure it does do is prevent the top from opening. It's hard to tell in the pictures exactly what it is made of. But it looks like you can see grain - wood maybe? I also like how it's SCREWED into the body (see bottom picture).

The rear bumper is lifted from a Corvette, and seemlessly integrated into the body. By seemless I mean that it looks like a Cutlass ran over a Corvette in reverse. They did take the time to blend the bumper into the original body along the bottom, but the edge of the trunklid remains untouched as you can see where there are indents for the original Oldmobile taillights.

On top of the trunk sits a strangely small spoiler (or painted skateboard?). On top of which is a faux jet engine. And on top of that is an antennae. Oh and the trunk has vents for some reason. I don't know why a trunk needs airflow. Maybe so the human captures can breath on their trip back to the home planet.